What makes you lose your cool with or about someone?
I have my own list. I’m sure you can think of a few personality traits, habits, or opinions that tempt you to anger and impatience.
Sometimes, addressing those things that drive us up the wall requires confrontation. But sometimes, the things that bother us aren’t the result of someone else’s sin and are just our own to deal with.
Paul writes about this in Romans 14. He mentions a cause of conflict in the church that is a matter of conscience – whether or not certain foods are unclean. One of his phrases plays on repeat in my mind when I’m tempted to lose it over things that aren’t clear sin issues.
“Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God.” – Romans 14:20
In my brain, that becomes a fill-in-the-blank for checking my motives against God’s Word and purposes.
Do not, Bethany, for the sake of ___________, destroy the work of God.
The work of God is His kingdom, which Paul says, “is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Anyone in God’s kingdom is “acceptable to God and approved by men.” So we are meant to “pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding” (Romans 14:17-19).
What is worth wrecking peace and life-building relationship among believers? What is worth calling a brother or sister in Christ out over as displeasing to the Lord? What is worth risking our righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit about?
Not food, drink, style, volume, skillset, etc.
Not my own desire to win an argument.
Not the comfort that comes from keeping only those I am alike or agree with close.
Not a feeling of validation or other selfish motives.
Our desire as believers, when we’re walking closely with the Lord, will be to build up His kingdom. When we’re struggling to be forbearing with believers who bother us, it’s worth pausing to check our hearts to see whether the issue at hand is actually about building up God’s eternal kingdom. We’re less likely to stay frustrated and impatient when we remember for whose sake we bear with one another in love!